How To Get To Know Your Hot New Neighbor

So, you’ve got a hot new neighbor. Lucky you. Gone are the days of staring at withered old women hanging up their laundry; hello, hot-gazing. (Part of me dies as I write this, thanks to the many times I smacked my housemates for ogling the sunbathing sorority girls next door. This sounds like a cliché, but sadly, sadly is not.)

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How to get to know this fresh piece of meat? Forgive the obvious, but why not introduce yourself first? Rather than play games, you could just knock on the door, say hello, and see if he’s friendly and open to new people, or if he’s as rude as the French guy in REI who told me that, yes, that cowboy hat DID look dumb on me. (Joke’s on you, French guy, I own that hat now.)

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Presuming he didn’t answer the door with a lady on each arm, we move forward. Think Robert, that exceptionally sexy doctor who moves in next to Miranda on Sex and the City, before Steve comes back into the picture—NOT after! If that went over your head, rent some DVDs, or just keep reading. Keep being friendly, if not weirdly clingy, when you see him. He should associate you with confident openness, if at all possible.

Talk to him and try to find out his interests. What does he do for fun? Where does he go on weekends? With a little practice, you know, conversing with real people, you should be able to exchange some personal information without making it seem like a terrorist interrogation. Again, notice the warning bells. If you have completely contrary interests (you enjoy baking, he’s got a life-long vendetta against carbs—or something meaningful), it doesn’t matter how hot he is, you should probably just sign up for a cooking class and meet men there.

But if you do have some level of rapport, suggest you do something fun together. Could be baking or something else you both enjoy, or it could be as straightforward as a date to a movie. He seems into it? Great! He makes excuses and awkwardly leaves in a hurry? Forgetaboutit. You don’t want to have to move yourself after leaving too many Please Like Me Cookies on his welcome mat.

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And for those of you who were looking for revolutionary tips, so sorry! At least we didn’t give you quite as useless information as these guys. Yep, straightforward and sane are the way to go, as most guys will tell you. (Now, if I could just convince my bosses of this…)

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